Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Poison Control

If I worked at Poison Control, where people were always calling me about spider bites, snake bites, or swallowing different chemicals and so on, I would always throw a silver lining into the conversation. I would say, "Well, if it was radioactive, then maybe you will at least get some super powers out of this whole thing." I think that a poison victim would appreciate that positive outlook.

Did I mention I would also refuse to study the poison manuals or whatever they use? I would just wing it. I would tell every person who called me that they would be fine, just get some rest and take Benadryl. You know, I probably would only last a couple of weeks at this job, but the callers who survive would probably give me really good ratings on their feedback forms. The dead would give me no ratings at all. So you probably think I will keep my job, don't you? After all, I have really awesome ratings! Well you're wrong. Poison Control management doesn't even look at the ratings.

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