Self Checkout Drama

There is nothing more nerve racking than the self checkout line. You are at Wal-Mart or some other grocery store, and you see it has the shortest lines. You take your 30 items there, and you start pulling them out of your cart and scanning them. Then you become aware of all the people standing in line behind you. You feel the need to hurry. You have an orange you have to look up, but you don't know if it is a naval orange or a valencia orange. You sit there and think, but then you start hearing the sighs of the people behind you. Just pick one. You just picked the cheaper one, didn't you? You continue with your groceries. Uh oh, something isn't scanning right! Error! Push the button, call for assistance! Oh, how you wish you could tell the people behind you it's not your fault. It's not! Finally, it's all settled and you are ready to go. It's just not worth it. It took you twice the amount of time waiting in a cashier's line would have, and you just peed your pants.

Magic In My Car

Currently, my daughter's toy magic wand is somewhere underneath the passenger seat of my car. I don't really think about it when I get in, but after a drive around for a little bit I do. That is because on hard turns or fast stops or something like that, I hear it make its sound: "Brrrrllllinnnggggggg (ascending from a lower note to a higher note. It is pretty hard to type the sound a magic wand makes, so I guess just make up your own sound in your head. If you have never heard a magic wand, then pretend it is a magical cow's moo or something. Getting the sound right is not important)." I usually hear this sound maybe one out of every three trips in the car.

Anyhow, whenever I hear the sound randomly, I like to think something magical is actually happening somewhere around me. I check around the car for magic, then look out my windows, then in the car again, then I look at myself in the mirror to see if the magic happened to me, then I slowly accept that nothing magic happened this time either. It never happens. But still, I think it is nice to have that hope. I guess that is why I still haven't removed it from under the seat just yet, because it is nice to think that you are witnessing some magic, if only for a little while.

Actually, I am still not convinced there is nothing magic going on. I think I am probably just missing it every time. It's all about focus, man.

Be Careful Jack Bauer

In honor of the return of the television series 24, I would like to call to attention some of the innocent victims Jack Bauer has taken out. No, not all those terrorists he is always wasting. They deserve what they get. I'm talking about all the brain damage that guy has caused. Concussions are nothing to play with, my friends, and you just know that some of the people Bauer has knocked out probably are permanently impaired. I mean, the guy knocks out at least two good guys an episode when he goes out on his own against orders (which is about 75% of the series). He needs to do stuff that the good guys won't let him do, so he has to go around whacking people in the head so that they are knocked out. I'm telling you, a lot of those people are going to have to deal with dizzy spells and loss of memory for the rest of their lives. That ain't cool.

Widescreen Nonsense

Widescreen high definition televisions are all nice and good when you are watching something that is both high definition and widescreen. However, I am pretty sure everyone who owns one of these is at least half retarded. Now I know some of you reading this may actually have one of these, so listen up: if you are watching regular TV, just because your screen is totally full does not mean you are seeing more picture. No, all you are actually doing is stretching a full screen picture in to a widescreen picture, and it looks stupid. Everyone is now short and fat on your TV. Is Star Jones hosting the Tyra Banks Show now? Did they preempt America's Next Top Model with The Biggest Loser again? I have no idea, just because you want to show off how much screen you can fill on your silly television. Stop it!

About Me - Behavior Philosophy

I do not advocate rough-housing.