A Christmas Tradition

If you are looking for a new Christmas tradition to celebrate with your family, then I've got the thing for you. It's a Santa Clause pinata. Can you believe they make this? It is great. This is a wonderful way to give the children confused feelings about Santa. You get the pinata and pummel it in front of kids. They will enjoy the candy that comes out, but they will be horrified that Santa is being pummeled. They will associate beating up Santa, the symbol of generosity at Christmas, with getting yummy candy. Their mixed feelings will haunt them for years. It will probably make them go to therapy, too.

What Low Gas Prices?

I just met a recently thawed dude who had been frozen in ice in 2003. He has no idea about the junk that has gone on with gas prices the last few years. He is showing zero appreciation for the current price drop. I wish he would at least act excited.

Pour Some Sugar

You know those people who take pride in not adding sugar or creamer to their coffee? Who the heck do they think they are? Why is this considered a badge of honor to them?

Oooooo, you are so bad. You don't need any sugar or creamer. How bitter it must taste! But you don't care because you are so tough! I'll bet you sleep on a bed of nails at night, don't you?

Just stop acting like you are more of a man than me because you don't add sugar to coffee. There is nothing unmanly about sugar. Sugar tastes great. In fact, judging by how much larger you are than me, I am guessing you too enjoy sugar via other means than coffee. So just wipe that haughty look off your face and drink your coffee and don't think you are better than me because you don't need sugar and creamer. Got it?