Shaking Soft Drinks

A really funny thing to do that you might have forgotten about is to shake up someone's soft drink when they are not looking. It was funny when you first learned it as a five year old, but then it got old and immature, and you had to put it on hiatus. Well, you are now at that age where it is funny again, so proceed.

Cici's On The Bus

So on the bus today, this girl sits down next to me. I can tell she is wearing some sort of perfume, and it smells quite familiar. It takes a second to register, but she smells just like one of the dessert pizzas at Cici's. So I think to myself, "That's really weird. I didn't know Cici's was in the perfume business." But they are.

If I wasn't taken, I think a pretty good pick-up line would be, "Hey baby. You really smell like Cici's dessert pizza." And she'd probably say, "Ahh yes, it is called Cici de Toilette."And that would be that.

Middle Name

If you have two middle names, then you really don't have a middle name. Because to be in the middle, the way I see it, is to be surrounded equally on both sides. However, for each middle name, there will be one name to one side and then two on the other, thus ruining the balance. So, like our former president George Herbert Walker Bush, Herbert would not be the middle name, but the second name from the left. Walker would not be a middle name, but the second name from the right. Which serves these people right, because they are generally pretentious anyhow. I mean who gives their kid two middle names? Is one not good enough for your kid? Is your child too special to be restricted by just haveing three names? Do you just have so much rich family history that one middle name would not do the trick? It wouldn't send enough shout-outs to your relatives? Because if you do think this, then you are a tool, and the joke is on you, because your kid doesn't even have a middle name.

And if someone is even more pretentious and gives their kid five names, well, then that's just not fair, because then they have a middle name plus two just for giggles. At that point, the blue bloods win.

Restrooms

Despite popular myth, guys and girls bathrooms are not all that different. In the girl's bathrooms, there are no magic fountains, open bars, plasma TV's, free pogs, magical lamps, or any of the other things that are popularized in urban mythology today among men. And women, I assure you, there is nothing special about the men's room either, although I am obviously not in the loop when it comes to what you women might be whispering to each other. How do I know these things? Because in my job, occasionally I must clean the women's bathroom. The only difference is the availability of urinals in the men's room. There is no conspiracy. Just let it go.

Mu Alpha Theta!

In high school, I was in the Mu Alpha Theta math club. Late in the year, there was a state-wide competition where all the MAT clubs would convene and do math problems. Of course, my high school was no match for White Station, who had quite a few international students who were math-a-holics. In fact, we were no match for most everyone else, as we were hanging around at the bottom of the pack. The scores were kept on a wall on a big poster type thing, where all the schools' scores in each round were written in marker big enough so that everyone in the huge room could read them from anywhere. So as we were leaving, having been destroyed by the other schools, I decided to go up and write a few 9's in front of all our scores with the marker. This of course ruined the whole board for everyone, and the head of the competition came over and started yelling at me, so I ran away and jumped in our bus. Luckily, everyone else was in, and I made a clean getaway, because the old hag chasing me was not in good enough shape to track me in the bus.

And these actions could have potentially made be cool, but unfortunately I did them while in a math club. So that pretty much negates anything cool about any of it. I am now embarrassed for even sharing this story.

Anchors Away

I love the awkward pause that news anchors or reporters have every once in awhile when they are cutting to another segment, but the next segment is a little slow getting there. All they can do is sit there and stare at the camera. Sometimes they might shuffle paper or look down, but you know they're not doing anything. It just always brings a smile to may face. It happens a lot when you are watching a TV show, and it is right before the show is going to come back on. The local anchor says something like, "Columbus man arrested for feeding blind grandmother live mice, this story and more at 11:00".............. and then nothing.... just sitting there, staring, praying the camera will turn off. It's the little things that make life worthwhile.