Shocks

Man, I tell you what. I shock myself all the time in my office. And it's because of this static generator known as a "couch" that I often sit on in there. Whenever I get up, I can feel the charge. Sometimes I forget about it, though. I know one time I got up and touched the mouse on my computer, and boy o' boy! That one could've killed me. It's the worst when someone knocks on the door, because I just know I am screwed. I have just suck it up and open the door handle. BZZT!

Shocking wasn't always such a fun-free endeavor. When I was a senior in high school, there was this metal ball in physics class that would shock the willy nilly out of ya when you touched it. Man, it hurt. But it turns out it could be made into a pretty good weapon. Once you touch it and take your shock, you yourself can shock those who walk by by merely touching your finger to them. The only problem is that there was only an outlet at the back of the room. So, being the leader of men that I am, I had the whole class make a big hand-in-hand chain that could reach from the metal ball to the hallway. Kind of like a love-train where everyone is holding hands in a chain as a plea for peace, except we were holding hands so we could hurt people. So the bell would ring, tons of people would walk by, and I would shock them all. Man that was great. I even shocked my own freshman brother. People would try to dodge me, but they couldn't. The hall was too small. I felt like Earnest P Worrell must have felt like in Earnest Goes To Jail, where he gets the electric chair but instead of dying, he has the power to shoot electricity. It hurt just as bad for me as it did for them, but seeing people's faces really made up for it. And may Earnest rest in peace. Amen.