Try Again

You know what I miss? The days when your candy bar wrapper would tell you, "Not and instant winner. Try again," instead of telling me to enter a code on the internet to see if I've won something. I'm a big boy, I can handle rejection. And who ever checks those codes on the internet to see if they won? I never have. With the various secret-coded wrappers I've tossed over the years, for all I know I have held winning wrappers for 6 trips to Hawaii, 3 Ford Explorers, and a walk-on roll as an extra on According to Jim . But I'll never know (although I am pretty sure about the According to Jim one. That just felt like a winner). Cut the nonsense level with me on the wrapper, please.

A Christmas Tradition

If you are looking for a new Christmas tradition to celebrate with your family, then I've got the thing for you. It's a Santa Clause pinata. Can you believe they make this? It is great. This is a wonderful way to give the children confused feelings about Santa. You get the pinata and pummel it in front of kids. They will enjoy the candy that comes out, but they will be horrified that Santa is being pummeled. They will associate beating up Santa, the symbol of generosity at Christmas, with getting yummy candy. Their mixed feelings will haunt them for years. It will probably make them go to therapy, too.