About Me - The Three Things

There are three things I take everywhere with me: binoculars, superglue, and a backup pair of binoculars. You never know.

About Me - Penny Smashing Commentary

I like to stand in front of those souvenir penny smashing machines and tell people who walk up, "You know, there are machines that can smash people too."

About Me - Hand Washing

I don't sing "Happy Birthday" to myself while washing my hands to ensure I lather long enough, and I have no patience for people who do. You are a time waster in my opinion.

About Me - Range/Change

When someone shoots a basketball from a short distance and makes it, I say straight to their face, "No range, no change!" and keep the ball for myself.

About Me - Thighs

I give myself deep thigh massages with bottles of oil from Bath and Body Works that costs me 32 bucks a pop.